Introduction
Paul now responds to questions Corinthians posed to him on a series of
domestic issues. Today we will look at the most controversial of these
issues: divorce and remarriage . . .
There is a bewildering variety of factors pertaining to divorce and
remarriage (EXAMPLES). Christians whose marriages are in trouble often
want a proof-text to justify their chosen course of action, or a simple
verse which tells them what to do. But it doesn't work that way. Neither
this passage nor any other biblical passage gives us a case-by-case
catalogue on what to do. Rather, God gives us a framework on this subject,
and then expects us to prayerfully apply this framework to our own situations—taking
full responsibility for our decisions. God's framework consists of these
main truths:
God's provision for sexual union is marriage. Unless we have
been gifted with celibacy (or no one will marry us), marriage is God's
provision for our sexual expression (Gen. 2:24; 1 Cor. 7:8,9).
God designed marriage to be permanent (Gen. 2:24). He
hates divorce because it violates his design (Mal. 2:16). Jesus
emphasized this in Matt. 19:4-6.
God recognizes that divorce is sometimes the lesser of two evils.
He recognizes that because of hardness of heart (Deut. 24:1-4;
Matt. 19:7,8).
Any position which does not apply all of these truths is not fully
biblical. Let's see how Paul applies them in answering the Corinthians'
questions . . .
Christian Married Couples (vs 10-11)
Read vs 10-11. From the following context (vs 12), it is clear Paul
is addressing Christian married couples—both husband and wife have
personally received Christ.
It is also clear that some of these couples were having serious marital
problems! What? Marital problems in Christian marriages? Nothing has
changed in this area!! Christians are no more immune to marital problems
than non-Christians (DAMAGE; SELFISHNESS)!
In spite of this, Paul is clear (he also refers to Jesus' statement
in Matt. 19) that Christians should not cut out on the marriage
when problems arise (vs 10b-11b). Instead, they should stay put to work
on their marriages. Building a successful and satisfying marriage takes
commitment and hard work. Here, we are called to stand in direct opposition
to our culture which has destroyed the sanctity of marriage [1] , and
provides us with convenient excuses to quit when things get tough. Consider
these modern myths about divorce:
“Acknowledging the likelihood of divorce will help rather
than hurt our marriage.” (PRE-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS) This attitude
is often fatal to marriage. It allows us to enter into marriage lightly,
and it justifies impatience when problems emerge. Christians should
enter marriage carefully and be fully committed to make it work. "Divorce"
should not be in our vocabulary as we get married.
"I married the wrong person; we are incompatible. By getting
a divorce, I am simply correcting an earlier problem instead of prolonging
it." People are not incompatible by nature. They choose to
be incompatible because of selfishness and hard-heartedness against
God's conviction. This is why those who divorce with this mentality
and remarry usually get divorced again.
[2] Instead, we should focus on becoming the right
person (LUTHER'S "SCHOOL-HOUSE").
"Getting a divorce is no big deal. I'll get over it soon
and there will be no lasting consequences." What a lie! The
fact is that divorce always brings great pain to both spouses, and
when there are children involved, they will pay a price. [3] It is
always preferable to work the marriage out if at all possible.
There is another reason why Christians should stay put and work on
their marriages. The same God who calls us to do this provides us with
the resources to succeed. With God's Word to inform us, with his Spirit
to empower us, and with his people to assist us, we have all we need
to eventually transform a nasty marriage into one that is rich and deeply
satisfying! Marriage can be excruciating, but as long as both
people are committed to following God's ways and depending on his resources,
there is no marriage so messed up that God can't heal it.
So don't take the attractive "escape hatch" that leads
to further misery—hang in there with the Lord and with your spouse
and discover his transforming power!
But Paul knows that even Christians can choose not to trust
God's provision. One Christian spouse can choose to harden his/her
heart against God's will, and turn a marriage into a living hell (DRUG
ABUSE; VIOLENCE; SEXUAL INFIDELITY). So Paul qualifies his insistence
that Christians stay put by saying, "but if she does leave."
The language (chorizoo and aphiemi) could mean either
separation or divorce. My own view is that Paul is referring to separation. Sometimes,
when one spouse is severely hard-hearted, a separation may be needed
in order to get the other person's attention. When this is the case,
Paul warns the spouse who initiates the separation for this reason
to be careful: be intent on reconciliation and don't get involved
with someone else.
I don't think Paul is laying down a permanent restriction. If the
other spouse refuses to work on the marriage and it ends, Paul seems
to indicate that the divorcee is free to remarry (vs 8-9—"unmarried"
is general; vs 27-28—"released from a wife" is different
from single/virgin). However, like all Christians they should marry
another Christian (vs 39; 2 Cor. 6:14).
SUMMARIZE the three truths . . .
Christians Married To Non-Christians (vs 12-16)
Next, Paul addresses their question about mixed marriages. There are
two ways this can happen: one spouse becomes a Christian, or a Christian
(wrongly) marries a non-Christian. Read vs 12-14. Although Paul cannot
quote Jesus on this situation, he can still apply God's revealed truth
(and does so under inspiration).
Paul anticipates that the Corinthians in such marriages would get divorced
because they believed such a sexual union would defile the Lord (6:16). Instead,
he says such marriages are valid because God gave marriage to all people
(Christian or non-Christian), so they should remain married. Furthermore,
this union does not defile the Christian; instead it "sanctifies"
the non-Christian spouse and children.
Of course, this doesn't mean that they are somehow saved. The Bible
consistently insists that we must each individually choose to receive
Christ in order to be saved (Jn. 1:12; 3:16).
Rather, he means that they are "set apart" for special
spiritual influence through the Christian spouse—influence that
may well result in their salvation. When a spouse (or any family member)
receives Christ and faithfully walks with him, the non-Christian family
members are convicted of their need for Christ in a powerful way. This
is why we often see family members come to Christ.
But the Christian must be faithful to Christ and allow the Holy
Spirit to work in and through him/her. This is implied by "consents." Paul
assumes the Christian spouse will be allowing the Lord to change
his behavior and attitudes (FORGIVE SPOUSE; REPENT & ASK FORGIVENESS
FOR SINS; INITIATE LOVE; MODEL CHRIST'S WAY OF LIFE). He also assumes
that the Christian spouse will be firm in his commitment to spiritual
growth (means of growth) and sharing Christ with family members
instead of compromising these areas to "keep the peace."
It is in such a life that the sanctifying influence is strongest,
and the non-Christian spouse is often attracted to Christ.
However, Paul recognizes that mixed marriages sometimes don't work
out. However faithful the Christian spouse is, the non-Christian spouse
has free will and may be adamant in his/her refusal of Christ and
even want out of the marriage. This can be quite overt, but it can
also be more subtle (refusing to allow the Christian spouse to influence
the children or go to fellowship). In such cases, Paul says to let
the marriage end.
Don't feel that their salvation is dependent on the continuation
of the marriage (vs 16). By fighting their desire to leave, you
may only promote continual and destructive strife because of their
hardness of heart—but "God has called us to peace."
Virtually all commentators understand vs 15b ("the brother
or sister is not under bondage in such cases") as Paul reminding
the Christian spouse that he/she is free to remarry in such cases
(see again vs 8-9; vs 27-28).
SUMMARIZE the three truths . . .
Another Key Biblical Truth: God's Grace
I realize that many of you who have listened to this teaching may have
made terrible mistakes in this area. Some of you may have ditched your
marriages when they got tough when you should have hung in there. Some
of you may have stayed married, but made it a living hell for your spouses
so that they left you. Some of you may have left your spouses for another
man or woman. Some of you may have had a string of loser relationships
and marriages. Because of these failures, you may feel (and Christians
may have told you) that God has had it with you. That's why, before we
leave this subject, I want to emphasize another key biblical truth that
applies to this extremely important and complicated area of life--the
grace of God.
The grace of God means that, regardless of how badly you've blown this
area, God still loves you and wants you to experience his love. The
same Jesus who spoke so strongly against sexual immorality and divorce
also spoke about God's grace to those whose lives had been shattered
by these things. Look at what Jesus said to a woman whose life was riddled
with marital failure (Jn. 4:18 >> vs 10,14).
The grace of God doesn't mean he will remove all the consequences of
your poor decisions. He won't snap his fingers and unmake the past,
or completely take away the pain. But he will forgive you completely
and enable you to experience his love and acceptance. He won't transform
your difficult marriage into a good one overnight. But he will begin
to work in your life to make something beautiful and meaningful—if
you receive Christ and begin to walk with him. I want to ask the Allen's
to share with you how God's grace has affected their lives . . .
Footnotes
[1] "Marriage, once a
sacrament, has become in the eyes of the law a (mere) contract that
is easily negotiated, renegotiated, or rescinded. Within a few years,
no-fault divorce on demand became possible, after millennia in which
such an idea would have been unthinkable. It is now easier to renounce
a marriage than a mortgage . . . " James Q.
Wilson (UCLA), The Moral Sense (New York: The Free Press, 1993),
cited by William J. Bennett, The Index of Leading Cultural Indicators
(New York: Touchstone, 1994), p 57."The United States has the highest
divorce rate in the world. At present rates, approximately half of
all U.S. marriages can be expected to end in divorce." National
Commission on Children, Just the Facts: A Summary of Recent Information
on America's Children and Their Families, cited by William J. Bennett,
The Index of Leading Cultural Indicators, p. 59.
[2] "Both cohabiting and
remarried couples are more likely to break up than couples in first
marriages." Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, "Dan Quayle Was Right,"
The Atlantic Monthly, April 1993, cited by William J. Bennett,
The Index of Leading Cultural Indicators, p. 59. The average
duration of marriage before divorce is only half as long for the second
marriage and only one-third as long for third marriages. Duration
of Marriage Before Divorce: United States (Hyattsville, Md.: U.S.
Department of Health and Human Services: Public Health Service, Office
of Health Research, Statistics, and Technology, National Center for
Health Statistics, 1981), p. 12ff.
[3] "According to a study
of white, daughters of single parents are 164% more likely to have a
pre-marital birth, and 92% more likely to dissolve their own marriages."
Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, "Dan Quayle Was Right," The Atlantic
Monthly, April 1993, cited by William J. Bennett, The Index of
Leading Cultural Indicators, p. 52. "Divorce has its most
significant repercussions on girls with regard to future marital stability:
a 1987 study found that white women who were younger than 16 when their
parents divorced or separated were about 60% more likely to be divorced
and separated themselves." Norval Glenn and Kathryn Kramer, University
of Texas, cited in Barbara Kantrowitz, "Breaking the Divorce Cycle,"
Newsweek, January 13, 1992."Because of the shattering emotional
and developmental effects of divorce on children, it would be reasonable
to introduce 'braking' mechanisms that would require parents contemplating
divorce to pause for reflection." William Galston and Elaine Kamarck
(Deputy Assistant to President Clinton for Domestic Policy), "Putting
Children First: A Progressive Family Policy for the 1990's," Progressive
Policy Institute, 1992, cited by William J. Bennett, The Index of
Leading Cultural Indicators, p. 60.